Divorce — key topics
Divorce with Children – Custody, Maintenance and Your Children's Welfare
When parents separate, one question stands above all: how do the children carry on well? Custody, contact and maintenance seem complicated at first – yet the basic rules are clear, and most questions can be resolved amicably. From over 300 proceedings handled, we know how important a calm, de-escalating solution is, especially for children – and how to reach it without giving up your own rights.
Quick answer
In a divorce, joint custody generally remains in place – the marriage ends, joint parenthood does not. The child usually lives mainly with one parent (residence model) or alternately with both (alternating-care model). The parent the child lives with is entitled to child maintenance under the Düsseldorf Table. The benchmark for every decision is the child's welfare.
In brief
- Joint custody generally remains in place after the divorce.
- The child has a right to contact with both parents (Section 1684 BGB).
- In the residence model the child lives mainly with one parent; in the alternating-care model with both in turn.
- The caring parent is entitled to child maintenance under the Düsseldorf Table.
- The benchmark for every arrangement is solely the child's welfare (Section 1697a BGB).
Custody: joint custody remains the rule
Many parents fear losing custody with the divorce. That fear is unfounded: joint custody generally continues after the divorce (Section 1626 BGB). Important decisions – school, health, place of residence – are still made by both parents together. Everyday decisions are made by the parent with whom the child currently is.
Sole custody is the exception. It only comes into consideration where it best serves the child's welfare – for instance in serious conflict or where a parent is unavailable (Section 1671 BGB). An application for it needs to be well considered and well founded.
Contact rights
The child has a right to contact with both parents – and each parent has the right and duty of contact (Section 1684 BGB). Contact serves the child, not the parent. What it looks like in practice – weekends, holidays, public holidays, overnight stays – depends on the child's age and the family's circumstances.
Contact is a right of the child
The caring parent is obliged to support contact with the other (duty of loyalty). Contact must not be used as leverage or linked to maintenance – the two are separate entitlements.
Where parents cannot agree, the family court can regulate contact. An amicable contact arrangement, however, is almost always the better solution – for the child and for family peace.
Residence model or alternating-care model?
Two care models are common:
- Residence model: the child lives mainly with one parent; the other has regular contact. This remains the standard case.
- Alternating-care model: the child lives with both parents in roughly equal shares. This requires good communication, geographic proximity and suitable care structures.
Which model fits depends on the individual case – on the child's age, the places of residence, working hours and, above all, on how well the parents cooperate. The care model also affects maintenance.
Child maintenance
The parent the child lives with provides their maintenance contribution through care; the other pays cash maintenance. Its amount is based on the Düsseldorf Table, graduated by the paying parent's income and the child's age. For minor children, an intensified maintenance obligation applies.
In a genuine alternating-care model, where both parents care for the child roughly equally, maintenance is calculated differently – here both incomes matter. We carry out the precise calculation for your case.
Clear rules for your children
Custody, contact and maintenance can usually be settled amicably and in a child-friendly way. Describe your family situation – we will show you workable solutions.
The child's welfare in the proceedings
For all decisions affecting children, a single benchmark applies: the child's welfare (Section 1697a BGB). The family court involves the youth welfare office (Jugendamt) and, depending on age, also hears the child. In contested cases, a guardian ad litem ("child's lawyer") can be appointed. The goal is always a solution that gives the child stability and contact with both parents.
Why an amicable solution protects
Children suffer less from the separation itself than from the conflict between their parents. That is why it is almost always worth trying to settle custody, contact and maintenance amicably – for instance in a parenting agreement. Where that fails because one side blocks, we firmly represent your interests and those of your child.
Related topics
Custody and contact Maintenance Amicable divorce Year of separation Filing for divorce Cross-border child custody International child abduction
Free tools to check first: Maintenance calculator
Frequently asked questions
Will I lose custody in the divorce?
No. Joint custody generally remains in place. Sole custody is the exception and only possible for the child's welfare.
Who gets the child after the divorce?
The child usually lives mainly with one parent (residence model) or alternately with both (alternating-care model). What decides is the child's welfare, not a parental entitlement.
How much is child maintenance?
It is based on the Düsseldorf Table – graduated by the paying parent's income and the child's age. We calculate the exact amount for your case.
What is the alternating-care model?
A care model in which the child lives with both parents in roughly equal shares. It requires good communication and proximity and affects maintenance.
Can contact be refused?
Contact is a right of the child. It must not be used as leverage and can only be restricted where there is a concrete risk to the child's welfare – the court decides on that.
Does my child have to testify in court?
The court hears the child depending on age, in a child-friendly form. It is not about a "testimony" but about understanding the child's wishes and situation.